I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
