he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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