I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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