So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
