But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
50% drunk capacity currently
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
