i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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