Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
