He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
