I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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