She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
