I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
