he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
