hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
