You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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