My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
