My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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