So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
