she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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