Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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