Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
