is your mom at the bar?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
