All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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