Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
