I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
