Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
