Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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