"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
