I'm so fucking centered right now
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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