Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
