First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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