my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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