so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
