I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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