We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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