Little spoons don't ask big questions
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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