lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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