put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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