heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
