Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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