I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sorry about my life...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
