fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
