their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
