Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
As shirtless as possible
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
