im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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