You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
