i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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