There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
being pregnant is like rehab
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
