Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
