Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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