I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
