I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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