here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
