I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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