Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
