Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
