Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
