just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
