Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
