Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
