i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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