Sponge bath it is.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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