Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
