i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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