Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
