Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
