dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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